Facing fears with Creature Comforts

Last week, Ez challenged her Twitter community to talk honestly about “the things we are afraid to tell you” on our blogs and the role fear plays in our lives. It was inspired by this terrific post by Jess Constable. Ez and Jess speak honestly and courageously on their own blogs. And it seems that increasingly bloggers are talking openly about their fear of being judged in a swelling sea of perfectly styles parties, outfits and children. With the rise of Pinterest and Instagram the pressure is on to share the most beautiful aspects of our not-always-beautiful lives. I get that, really I do.

I love blogging seemingly effortless images from my daily life and I eat that eye candy up on other blogs. I like to look at pretty things. End of story. But I know it doesn’t represent the full story. It’s not reality, at least not every day and not in my world.

So here’s my attempt to keep it real and share some ugly truth. It’s part of a much larger conversation so I’d love it if you would check out what my peers are saying about their fears today. And a special thanks to Ez at Creature Comforts for the inspiration and motivation to come clean.

I love the taste of Orange Hostess Cupcakes. It’s not a flavor one could replicate in nature and yet, I happily eat them in the shame-filled privacy of my car at least twice a year.

I grew up without a dishwasher, washing machine and dryer. I joyfully use these appliances every chance I get without any white girl guilt.

I love being alone. Now I feel obligated to tell you that I do adore my family, my friends and my job, but there is nothing more restorative than solitude.

If you use a double negative in conversation (without a hint of irony) I will silently judge you, forever.

It took me seven years to earn a Bachelor’s degree. I used to be embarrassed by this but now I’m proud. I paid for it myself, worked full-time and went through some serious “stuff” along the way.

As a seven year-old I remember feeling terribly ashamed that my parents were never married. I used to lie about it. They were hippies and living on a commune in France. Hello, that story is cool and totally blog/book-worthy. I get it now.

I never wanted to be a mother. Until I met my two step children. Now I get that too. By the way, step-anything is a shitty way to describe a human relationship.

Not being able to speak French with my family is a constant source of disappointment in my life.

When Emerson was an infant I was afraid to take her in the backyard. I was sure the large black crows that circle our neighborhood would have the strength and determination to carry her away. It’s a visual that still haunts me.

I suffered silently with postpartum depression for nine months until talking honestly with my doctor. Everything changed for the better that day and just like a flip of the switch, the lights came back on in my life. (Full disclosure: Meds and therapy triggered the longterm change, but that conversation was the ray of hope I desperately needed.)

Is there anything you are afraid to share? I truly believe in the power of light. The more light you shine on the scary monsters in your closet the less power they have over you in the middle of the night. Give it a try and share one thing today. Maybe it will help if you visualize me hiding from neighborhood birds or obsessively eating processed food products in my car. Just a thought.

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  • http://suchsmallsteps.com/ Suchsmallsteps

    I love  this post and the whole series. What a great idea. As I tend to post (probably too often) I often struggle with the appearance of perfection on so many blogs I read. Maybe I read too many blogs! But it’s a lot to constantly compare yourself and feel lacking. I have too many things to list here, but definitely I love solitude as well, had some serious post-partum issues with my husband that led to a lot of counseling, etc. I could go on!

    Thanks for sharing…

    • pinkmoondaily

      I can totally relate to the oh so perfect image of so many bloggers and it makes sense to want to only post the prettiest stuff and the best versions of ourselves but it’s been so refreshing to hear everyone talk about in the elephant in the room, right? On another note, I’m happy to hear you got the counseling you needed. It can be such a tough and weird road after that little bundle arrives. :)

  • http://www.creaturecomfortsblog.com/ Ez

    Oh my goodness I love this post…and your honesty and sense of humor through it all. Thank you for being a part of this challenge Estelle. You are an inspiration! xo Ez

    • pinkmoondaily

      Thank you, Ez. My list could have been many pages long. But it also forced me to think about all the things I used to be afraid of and would no longer put on a list like this because I’ve faced them. So healthy, so good. Honestly, can’t thank you enough for shining a light on this stuff.

  • http://www.mloves.typepad.com/ Melissa

    Oh, Estelle….I adore you and love hearing more about you & your life. You know I think you are one of the funniest, kindest & salt of the earth gals I have met. I wish you lived next door….truly. I also had PPD, after my first daughter was born. I attribute that ” hell & back” journey for making me a better person. Or I like to think so anyway…Meds & therapy saved my life too. Now, I adore you even more. 
    xoxo
    Melis

    • pinkmoondaily

      Melis, you just made me day. Those kind words mean so much coming from you. And man, PPD can kiss my ass. What a sick joke to play on new mamas. Every time I read a tweet from you or see an instagram of your beautiful family I think to myself “if I lived on the east coast I’d stalk them like it was my job.” So, I too wish I lived next door. :) And I hear you’re getting together with Ms. Brandi tomorrow? Why don’t you guys give each other a big squeeze from me.

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  • http://www.aholeistodig.blogspot.com/ hannah

    estelle, thank you for this post today. my heart hurts to know you suffered so with ppd. i adopted my son…and still had a similar battle. so grateful for freedom and joy now. it’s so encouraging to read these real things like you shared. press on! xo {also, i cringe and maybe judge a little too over double negatives:)}

  • Amy

    Ahh! I love secretly eating Hostess treats in my car, but I will have a deer-in-the-headlights look if anyone happens to see me! 

    And I understand being worried about the birds. Out here in the PNW though, I always search the skies for bald eagles, because they would totally carry my dog away! If I so much as think I hear one, I swoop him up and chuck him inside before I even see the bird!

  • Melissa J.

    PPD sucks, I suffered with both kids and it was really rough, it took a good 18 months with both to feel *normal* again. Could be why my boys are 4 1/2 years apart.

    Twice a year cupcake binge ain’t nothing (judge away!) ;)

    don’t kid yourself….large black crows are no joke, don’t really think that’s irrational.

    and I’m sure french is on the bucket list and having known you as long as I do, I suspect it will happen one of these days. Maybe we can spend some time in France when we are old ladies. :)

    xo

  • http://www.pecklife.com/ Emily @ PeckLife.com

    Thank you so much for sharing! It’s been fun to see what everyone has to say today. :) I LOVE being alone too and I hear ya on the PPD…it’s so so rough. Love your blog! <3

  • Jennifer Bonikowsky

    I LOVE this blog trend!  I hadn’t visited your blog before today, but I’m a follower now!  Thank you for this post.  I hope it’s ok that I chuckled a couple times.  (P.S. Took me seven years too!)

    • pinkmoondaily

      Hi Jennifer,

      I’m so glad you came by and of course it’s o.k. to have a laugh along with me! I really hope this turns into an ongoing little challenge. It felt really good to come clean about a few of these things. :)

      Estelle

  • http://hayleeatkinson.blogspot.com/ Haylee

    I love being alone too. You said it perfectly: “There is nothing more restorative than solitude”.

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  • Jen

    I love solitude as well. I think that’s part of what I struggled with
    those first years of being a stay-at-home mom. There were no moments of
    being alone. Ever.

    I’ll share one of mine that I’ve voiced to friends but it’s still
    sacrilege to say in most circles: I don’t care for babies.  

  • elleinadspir

    This is such a beautiful and honest and lovely post. You are such an inspiration to me dear friend. 

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